Tyra Will no Longer Light My Fire of Rage

I came to a realization today. If I rail against Tyra, or Nascar, or Deal or No Deal, they win. They elicit a response, negative or positive, and that's what they want to do. So after today I will ignore them. I mean, many people know of Oprah and Tyra and Geraldo, but nobody who can do anything actually watches those shows at two in the afternoon. Tyra wears a fat suit because she is catering to the people who watch her show, and people watch Deal or No Deal. Well, I don't know why people watch that instead of watching, say, the fungus on their feet grow. Perhaps I will come back to it in a few years. But no more for now. Goodbye Tyra. Goodbye NASCAR. Goodbye Deal or No Deal. I hate you all, but I am now at peace.

Every President elected in a Zero year has died, except. . .

Since 1840 a president has died in office every twenty years. Known to most as the curse of Tecumseh, the streak of presidential deaths held true until stubborn Ronald Reagan decided to cheat death after a bullet from an aspiring assasin's gun missed Reagan's heart by an inch in 1981.

Supposedly in the Battle of Tippecanoe in 1811 the great Shawnee chief Tecumseh, after his defeat by William Henry Harrison, predicted Harrison's future presidency but assured the man that he would not live to see the end of his reign. A second version attributes the prediction to Tecumseh's brother, who was known as The Prophet (this makes more sense).

Here's the list:

1840: William Henry Harrison
1860: Abraham Lincoln
1880: James A. Garfield
1900: William McKinley
1920: Warren G. Harding
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt
1960: John F. Kennedy
1980: (Ronald Reagan almost)
2000: ????????

Some of these presidents, such as Lincoln and Roosevelt and McKinley, were reelected in zero years and died later. Astrologists provide an explination for Reagan's survival. They say that every twenty years Jupiter and Saturn are in alignment, but that all deaths occured when the planets were aligned under earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn) and that in 1980 the planets were aligned under an air sign. However in 2000 the sign was again an earth sign, so. . .
Perhaps in these trying times, Tecumseh's greatest curse, his greatest injustice to the American people (his oppressors) was to not follow through on his promise.

2000: George Bush lives. OH THE HUMANITY!

The only president to die outside of this pattern was Zachary Taylor, who was elected in 1848 and died in 1850 (also a zero year).

Side note: Tecumseh was voted #37 on The Greatest Canadian List

To put this in perspective, #18 is Shania Twain. #20 is Mike Myers.

http://www.snopes.com/history/american/curse.asp

The Real Father of Aviation?

Wilbur and Orville Wright are known as the fathers of aviation, the first men to fly. All history books, biographies, aviation material and encyclopedic references record December 17, 1903 as the date of the first successful engine propelled, winged flight. Their distance on that day in Kittyhawk was 872 feet for 59 seconds, never rising more than a few feet off the ground. But two years and four months earlier in Bridgeport, Connecticut, a German immigrant by the name of Gustav Whitehead ventured out onto some open fields with his flying device, several friends and three major newspaper reporters. He was reported to have made four flights that day; the longest of these was said to have been a mile and a half in distance with a height of over 200 feet from the ground. But Gustav made the mistake of not measuring any times or distances, and the notes in his logs were sketchy at best, and by the time the debate was well into its prime the Wright Brothers were, in the midst of the Great War, seen as American heroes, while Gustav was seen as nothing more than a Kraut. No one wanted to believe that a man whose heritage could be directly linked to the monstrous Huns could also be responsible for the first successful flight, so everyone chose to believe the Wright Brothers’ story instead, and in 1948, if there was any hope left for Gustav Whitehead, it was washed away by the Smithsonian Institute. The world famous museum at that time had the opportunity to obtain the famous first plane, the “flyer,” from the estate of recently deceased Orville Wright. But in order to get hold of this priceless historic object, they had to first sign a contract stating that they would not publish or permit to be displayed any statements about any successful aircrafts or pilots before Dec. 17, 1903, and from that time forward, the fate of Gustav Whitehead was sealed. And if you reference “first flight” or phrases in this realm, you will indeed see that very little comes to the surface with regards to the real father of aviation. In fact, there are references to several other men who achieved flight before Orville and Wilbur but who are just as unknown as Gustav Whitehead.

Origins of Gin and Tonic

In 18th century Colonial India malaria was rampant, and the conquering British knew that quinine, a medicinal substance extracted from the bark of the cinchona tree in South America and the main ingredient in tonic water, helped to prevent malaria. But the British were a big bunch of babies. Many either were reluctant to take the medicine or outright refused because of the bitter taste, so somone came up with the idea of cutting the bitter flavor of quinine with gin. A bit later the lime was added to stave off scurvy. Two equally terrible concoctions were thus united, and, with the help of a bit of citrus, a rather tasty beverage was formed.

Quinine was first used in Europe in the 17th century to prevent malaria in the swampy lands outside of Rome in Italy, and today it is still the most cost effective medicinal treatment against malaria throughout the world.

Lake Titicaca. Landing pad for Aliens?

There are many clues in and around Lake Titicaca that lead certain scholars to believe that aliens once inhabited the lands. For instance the city of Tiahuanaco, which is dated as being over 17,000 years old, 10,000 years older than the Sumerians. (Are you kidding me?)

But just look at the name for more evidence. Titicaca is supposedly taken from the ancient Amayra language, and in Aymara, Titicaca means either puma rock or gray puma, and legend says this name was given because the lake resembles a puma chasing a rabbit. Now how in the Hell could the ancient people say that the lake resembled a puma chasing a rabbit, when the lake is 3,305 square feet in area. The only way to make such a determination is to see the lake from outer space. Did a few road-tripping aliens give them the name and a few lolli-pops to keep their mouths shut? Take a look, and make your own determination.

Floating Islands in the Sky

Lake Titicaca sits 11,500 feet above sea level between Peru and Bolivia. It is the largest lake in South America, covering 3,305 square miles, and it is the highest navigable lake in the world. But one of the strangest things about this lake is not its position or size, but a group of people who’ve learned to live on top of the lake over the last few centuries.

Hundreds of years ago around the perimeter of Lake Titicaca a group of people known as the Uro wanted to escape the warring Inca and Colla tribes, so they thatched together local totura reeds and built themselves floating reed islands. Today there are over forty islands remaining on the lake, some islands half the size of football fields. When the roots of the reed at the bases of the islands begin to rot, the people add more layers of fresh totura reed on top.

The islands are stable and anchored in place by ropes attached to sticks driven into the bottom of the lake. On these islands the people live in huts made out of reed, fish in boats made out of reeds, grow crops such as potatoes and graze cattle on the surface which is said to be somewhat spongy to walk on.

Each reed island normally lasts about thirty years, but they might not even last that long today. Because of commercial fishing and sewage from local towns, the people of the islands are finding it harder and harder to survive. In fact most of the several thousand Uro descendants have moved to the mainland; only a few hundred people maintain and inhabit the floating islands today.

Jamestown or Pueblo de Jaime

Soon, Virginia will have its 400th Jamestown celebration. It's a proud moment in Virginia's Anglican history.... but were English really the first to settle in Virgina? Could the Spanish have beaten them to the punch?

Apparently, the answer is....

"Hispanics and Latinos can trace their heritage back 500 years in Virginia, almost a full century before the English landed at Jamestown in 1607.

In 1524, Lucas Vásquez de Ayllón from Hispaniola, Dominican Republic, sailed up the Rio Guandape, which is known today as the James River and Chesapeake Bay. In 1526, he founded the settlement of San Miguel de Guandape, which some scholars believe was near present-day Jamestown. Six hundred people, many of them African slaves, lived in the colony, including two Dominican priests.

Unfortunately, Lucas Vásquez de Ayllón died of ship fever, and about 450 colonists died from the harsh winter and hostile attacks by the Indians. Some of the slaves probably escaped and lived with the Indians. In 1527, the survivors returned to Hispaniola."

See that and more at blurbs about Hispanics and Latinos in Virginia at

http://www.virginia.org/site/features.asp?FeatureID=195

Rare footage of Extinct Thylacine from 1933

The Thylacine or Tasmanian Tiger, was the largest known carnivorous marsupial. Both female and male Thylacines had pouches (the female for her child, the male for his scrotum). The Thylacine existed on the island of Tasmania until 1936 when the last animal died in captivity in Hobart Zoo.

The Thylacine resembled a dog, but had a pouch and a tail like a kangaroo and sometimes hopped on two feet like a kangaroo. It also has the ability to open its jaw up to 120 degrees, as seen on the film. The largest ever recorded Thylacine was measured 9 ft, 6 inches from head to tail.

In 1901 citizens of Tasmania began a national movement to protect their Tasmanian Tiger, but the official government protection only came about on July 14, 1936, 59 days before Benjamin, the last Thylacine, died in captivity. He died on September 7, which is now known in Australia as National Threatened Species Day.

Since 1936 there have been 3,800 reported Thylacine sightings, but never has the creature been captured on video or camera. The search continues.

Thylacine Link

Beyond Amazing!

The last supernova, or exploded star, that was viewable from Earth with the naked eye occurred in 1604 and appeared brighter than every other star in the sky for several months. But this star was more than 13,000 light years away.

In 1054 a supernova was observed and recorded by Chinese and Arab astronomers. For several months the star was visible during the day and at night it was written that you could read by the light of the supernova that, in it’s destruction, created the Crab Nebula.

NOW WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?

First some quick facts.

Speed of light: 186,282 miles per second.

Light year: distance light travels in one year: 5,879,000,000,000 miles

Well, can you read by the light of any star in the sky now? No. Sometimes, we can read by the light of the moon, which is the light reflected from the sun.

The supernova in 1054 was for several nights brighter than moon light.

The distance of the sun to the earth: 8 light minutes

The distance of the moon to the earth: less than 2 light seconds.

The distance of the supernova to the earth in 1054: more than 5000 light years. The light traveled 5000 light years and was still more powerful than the light of the moon, which was right next to us. That must have been one hell of an explosion.

If you don’t read this and say “holy shit,” you’re either dead or in a coma.

Washed-up actors and actresses see Hope at the end of Kirstie Alley’s Fat-Shedding Rainbow.

The line is long today outside of New York’s 10th and 54^th Street Dunkin Donuts, as once famous Hollywood stars push and shove their way through the line, searching for financial and media rejuvenation at the center of a dozen French crullers. I don’t have a camera or crew, just my notepad and pencils, pencils for poking the regular morning crowd out of the way. In front of me by four places is Josh Saviano, known to the eighties world as Kevin Arnold’s best friend Paul in the hit series The Wonder Years. Josh has porked up nicely, but only in the last few weeks, and only as a result of the shameless sheisterisms of Washed Up TV dud, Kirstie Alley. I’m able to knock over a middle-aged mom and a sickly geriatric, and in another minute I’m even with Saviano, who is more than happy to get some quotes down on my pad.

“Donuts are the best way,” he says as he pulls the crumpled bills from his pocket. “I mean, shakes are good too. But you got such a variety in donuts, and the coffee’s great here. The caffeine makes me forget how lethargic I’ve been feeling lately.”

“So why are you doing this to yourself?” I ask. Saviano pulls out a crumpled piece of paper and shoves it in my palm. It’s ripped from a magazine. Kirstie Alley smiling and bouncing in a full page Jenny Craig ad. Saviano shakes his head.

“I got sick of her on Cheers, and after that it was just dry heaves.” I nod in agreement, which seems to inspire him to continue. “I mean, all her movies, crap. And that show, that modeling show she had? Uhhh. How did that stay on for more than a day?”

“So now her plan is…” I pause.

“To use this weight loss thing as a big publicity stunt. It’s demeaning.”

“But aren’t you?” Saviano grabs the paper and glares at me.

“My last TV gig was an A&E child star five-minute segment. And before that, a TVography, whatever the hell that means, about the Wonder Years. I need this thing. Dexatrim promised me they’d get on board if I topped the three hundred pound barrier. Only a hundred to go.”

At this point the aisle clears and Saviano does not hesitate in bull rushing his way to the counter. He orders two chocolate glazed to eat while he orders the two other boxes and two 18-ounce coffees to go. It’s too much for me, and I back out through the hoard to an empty space a few meters away. But it’s not far enough. Mr. T saw me talking with Saviano and he obviously wants a piece of the action.

“Hey!” He calls out from across the street. “Did you see me in the off-Broadway production of the A-Team?” I casually hail a cab and try to act like I haven’t noticed him. But how can you not? He’s a walking pile of scrap metal. “Hey!” he screams as I quickly open the door. “I played Face! Remember? The good looking dude?”

I stop and turn, not able to resist the curious itch in my neck. “Okay.” I say calmly. “Who played you?” Mr. T is huffing and puffing from the run across the street. He takes a minute to catch his breath, and spends the next minute shoving a chocolate éclair into his mouth. “You too?” I ask in disbelief.

“Uh huh,” he mumbles through chocolaty crumbs. He swallows and wipes the dirt from his mouth. “Scott Hamill,” he says, and everything falls clearly into place.

Magellan, a Sham? (Answer to last week's riddle)

Ferdinand Magellan led a fleet of four ships and a crew of more than 230 men on a journey to secure the Spice Islands in Indonesia, starting from Spain in 1519. Along the way he named the Pacific Ocean, quelled a major mutiny attempt and overcame obstacle after obstacle, he and his crew subsisting for a great deal of the time on leather boots and other tidly scraps. By the time he reached the Philippines, still alive after so much travesty, he felt that he was a divine tool of God, and subsequently invincible. He tested out his theory in an unnecessary battle with the natives, and wound up somewhere on the ocean floor in many, many pieces.

In the end only nineteen members aboard one remaining ship reached Spain, the only true original circumnavigators of the globe. Captain Juan Sebastian del Cano took most of the credit and virtually ignored any help on the part of Magellan. For several hundred years Cano was the famous man who circled the earth, but one of the surviving crew members, Antonio Pigafetta, had kept a detailed diary of the voyage. Because Spanish elites disliked Magellan, they suppressed the journal for as long as they lived, but the record eventually came out, and scholars began to look at Magellan in a different light, so that now he is credited with the incredible feat, though he died thousands of miles from the final point, and Juan Sebastian del Cano and eighteen other survivors receive absolutely no recognition.

Covert Campaign to hit Tyra in the head with a Rubber Mallet

We here at the cult propose a mission, an inside job, to hit Tyra Banks in the head with a rubber mallet. She's on her model show, yelling at some young skank for crying during a shoot, and "doink," rubber mallet in the head. She's on her talk show attempting to make fashion-world eating disorders a national priority when, "padonk," rubber hammer to the back of the skull. Maybe the first knock won't make her smart, and maybe the second plunk won't make her less haughty and egotistical, but while we're trying to turn Tyra into a better person, we're also hitting her in the head with a hammer. I don't see a down side. I know it seems like I'm hating Tyra right now, but really I'm trying to help her, and I'm still hating the fans during this period of therapy. For the fans, I'd use a steel-tipped boot.

Man Created the Husk? Really?

That's right. Before the Native Americans, corn grew wild, and naked. Thousands of years ago the Native Americans bred corn to have a husk around it in order to keep off the insects and other pests. But because of the husk the corn could not reproduce, and so, you will never see corn growing in the wild; it has become totally dependent on man.

Eerie Unworldliness or Patriotic Coincidence?

Think about this. Three of the first five presidents of the United States died of natural causes on the 4th of July. And spookier still, 2nd president Thomas Jefferson and 3rd president John Adams, the only two signers of the Declaration of Independence, both died exactly fifty years after the historical event in 1776. The two men were separated by hundreds of miles, yet their deaths were only hours apart. James Monroe, another founding father and 5th president of the United States, died eight years later on the same day.

Here’s what really happened with the Declaration:

Congress actually declared and announced the nation’s independence from England on the 2nd of July (papers signed on the 4th). A year later everyone forgot about the anniversary until the 3rd (DUH) and then they had to scramble to throw together a makeshift celebration and with all their running around, baking cakes and getting the word out, the earliest they could throw the party was on the 4th, two days later. And so it is, and forever shall be.

Our First Submarine was a Lemon, in Function and in Form

The first submarine propelled by something other than oars was the Turtle, built in Connecticut in 1775 by David Bushnell as a weapon against the threatening British. The Turtle more closely resembled a lemon, made of wood and covered in tar. The purpose of the Turtle was to drill holes into ships and then place explosive charges in the exposed hulls. But Bushnell and his brother Ezra, the experienced driver of the vessel, had several problems to overcome.
There was no light source in 1775 other than the candle, and since the Turtle had no additional air source every ounce was needed and the candle used up the oxygen more quickly. Benjamin Franklin suggested they use Foxfire, which was a fungus that glowed in the dark. Many test trials were completed by brother Ezra in the Connecticut River and on September 7, 1776, two months after the United States declared itself independent of England, the Turtle was ready for its first mission.
The target was the British flagship, the HMS Eagle, a 64-gun juggernaut of the naval world. The ship was moored off of Liberty Island, the current location of the Statue of Liberty, and the waters were calm. All was ready, the conditions were perfect, except for one thing. Ezra Bushnell, the man who ran all of the tests and knew the inside of the Turtle so well, died the night before. But the mission went on. Army volunteer Sergeant Ezra Lee was given a crash course in driving an underwater lemon and then was quickly sent out to do his job.
Lee approached the hull of the Eagle unnoticed and commenced his drilling, but the spot he chose was metal, not wood. After a second failed attempt the oxygen supply was on empty. Lee had to leave, and in his haste and oxygen-depleted state he unknowingly led his tiny ship vertically as well as horizontally and soon the Turtle was spotted by the enemy. They gave chase and Lee was able to submerge and lose his predators, but somewhere along the way he lost hold of the bomb, which went off in the harbor with a great, explosive bang. No one was injured, but the British saw what was possible and moved their fleet to a more secure location.
If Bushnell and his Turtle had been successful, if the largest, most important of the British ships had been destroyed at the start of the Revolutionary War, the outcome of the war may not have been as close as it turned out to be.

How about our own Backyard?

An amazing thing happened on January 23, 1960, 47 years ago. A deep sea vessel called Trieste touched down on the ocean floor under almost seven miles of water. And what could be more amazing? There were two men inside when it happened.

The Mariana Trench is the deepest part of the Ocean, it’s lowest point 35, 798 feet, or 6.78 miles below sea level. The trench is located in Micronesia near the island of Guam.

On January 23, navy Lieutenant Don Walsh and Jacques Picard, son of the ship’s designer (Auguste Picard), slowly descended into uncharted territory.

It took them five hours to reach the bottom, and in total they spent less than twenty minutes on the ocean floor. When they touched down they somehow regained radio contact with the ship seven miles above them. They related what they saw, flounders and soles and even shrimp, and three hours later Picard and Walsh and the Trieste were back on the surface, alive and well.

All of this happened nearly fifty years ago, and the most amazing thing of all, to me, is that in the forty seven years since, no one has ever repeated the feat, nor is there a ship or vessel in existence today, TODAY, with all of man’s advancements and scientific know-how, that could make the trip.

Why are we spending so much money to explore outer space when there are so many areas left unexplored on our own planet? Who knows? The cure for cancer may live under a rock on the ocean floor 35,000 feet below sea level. Shouldn’t we check it out before we spend 2 trillion dollars to go back to Mars?

The Rai Stone and the Island of Yap

If something is rare, no matter what it is, there is someone in the world who will pay any price to have it. Limestone, for example is an ugly sedimentary rock that is very good for building. It is gray, very durable and long lasting, and it is very heavy. But the people of Yap in Micronesia did not use limestone for building. They used it for money.

Micronesia is a conglomeration of hundreds of islands west of the Philippines, south of Japan and north of Australia, and in this archipelago is the island nation of Yap, which, all in all, spans a great 39 square miles.

600 years ago a few Yapese men decided to go out for a row in their canoes, and sometime later stumbled onto the island of Palau, and on this island they found limestone. They said, “this rock is ugly. This rock is heavy, and we must have it.”

So they began to carve donut-shaped stones and soon everyone was using the limestone donuts as currency, trading for fish and coconut meat. As the stone coin industry continued the stones became larger and larger and the designs became ever more intricate, and each stone had its own story, so that the value of any one stone depended upon its size, its artwork and the story behind its transport to Yap.

The smallest stones are less than three inches in diameter, and the largest stone coins are more than ten feet in diameter. The largest stones would sit in the same spot for generations. Possession of the stone would change but the stone itself would not move because it was just too damn heavy.

In 1871 a man named David Dean O’Keefe had an idea, a great, wonderful idea. He decided to pay the Yapese to make and transport more limestone donuts to Yap from Palau. He traded the large stones for beads, coconut meat and trepang, or sea cucumbers. He eventually imported thousands of stones onto the tiny island and soon enough, the limestone currency was completely debased, and worthless. The end.